Revelations – Whose Body is This?

I’m sure you’re all wondering how the gown is coming . . . there have been so many revelations!  I’ve spent the past two weeks wondering how to articulate and I’m hoping my jumble of thoughts and words will translate well to paper.  I feel it’s important, as I know I’m not alone.

My gown is the lovely lavender on the right . . . all I see is the fat neck and huge double chin.

I am an excellent seamstress and have enormous confidence in my work.  I have created hundreds of gowns and dresses in my lifetime.  Most of those have been for others.  Part of my responsibility, I feel, when sewing for others, is to make them feel good about themselves, accept their body, as it is today.  Not what they hope it might be in the future. Now I’m trying to tell myself these same things.  Why is it that it always sounds better coming from someone else?

I have come to realize that as I’ve gotten older, gone through menopause, my body has drastically changed!  I think that’s really what they mean when they say ‘the change’!! Add to that that I have spent the last 10 years or so rarely sewing for myself.  I have lots of started projects, but very little end results.  Mostly due to starting and not finding time to finish, often times having to put customer work first.  OR, and this one is a biggie, I don’t like the way it looks on me, the fit or lack thereof, over my boobs.   Yes, I do all the full bust adjustments and am well aware of the tweaks  that are needed for that perfect fit.  It’s much easier to do those playing with someone else’s ta tas rather than my own!

There, I’ve said it . . . I hate my body!  And with only three months to go, will I be that beautiful bride that I envision in my head or just a fat lavender boob that looks ridiculous?  I vow to start eating nothing but fruits and vegetables, no carbs and to exercise like crazy . . . Ha!  I’ve been saying that for months now and I’ve yet to really adhere to this change.  Face it, it’s not happening. Or at least not enough to really make a difference.

Once I had this revelation last weekend, I realized why I’d been shying away from my studio.  I hadn’t sewn anything since November. I have put all customer work on hiatus so I only have myself to sew for.  It was time to tackle this body and get reacquainted with it, lumps, bumps, flaws and all.

Motivation Photo

Prior to the ‘revelation’ I had been going through my old photos and posted on Instagram one of my proudest pieces, hoping to get me motivated.  I think it worked, I went up to the loft, sifted through several patterns and chose one that I thought would be quick enough to put together and help me start building up that confidence that I can make myself look and feel just as good as I can my clients.  Ironically, my stash contained a pieces from my IG motivation photo and I had enough yardage to make it work.

Let’s see if I can create something cute for myself and get over this hurdle!  Stay tuned . . .